Friday, October 24, 2008

Amazing Quiet

Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table (my office), and the house is entirely quiet. My husband went fishing and his daughter is at work. So what's a girl to do when she's home all by herself on a Friday night?

Well... I took my medicine, for my double ear infection, sinusitis, and nexium, and my cold. I also had a little party and ate a little too much, but no worries. I've been working out all through this cold, and today I just felt like having some things I don't normally have during the week.

It seems to me like this is a never ending thing, but I think I am coming to a point where, I know what I need to do in order to eat the way I want to once in a while. This solution is fitting me fine right now. And so are my clothes. LOL.

I'm working on some papers for school, and pretty much will be for the remainder of this weekend. I'm starting to wonder if I made the right call going into education. I mean when I first decided it was because I really didn't know what else was out there, now I see there is a wealth of possibilities. I'm the sort of person that sees the positive in what I can do, but I never really apply myself to my full potential. I mean if I did, I'd probably be able to accomplish some great stuff.
I think I'm afraid.

Being a student means I have an excuse not to work (if I really don't want to), but it also means I don't have to grow up fully. I mean I'm 28 years old, but I am terrified to be a responsible adult. I feel like admitting I am an adult will mean that I am admitting I don't need my mom anymore, and in some way that means she won't be there.

She's getting ready to retire, and that scares me because when I think of retirement I think of people getting old, I don't want my mom to get old, I'm not ready to face the world without her yet. And I don't think I ever will be.

Enough of that!

So this week has pretty much been a standard stressful week, school, home, Tyson having problems with insurance because some kid on a skateboard coming down a hill and going througha stop sign hit the back of his car and ended up in the hospital, and now his parents want to sue. I mean, how is this even possible?!?!?

The kid which is 17, was racing down a hill on a side street with 4 of his friends and he went through the stop sign, and hit the rear passenger side tire of our car, I have no clue how this could be Tyson's fault. I mean don't they tell you if it's behind you you can't control it?

At any rate we'll see what happens, but this is stressful, and scary. I mean what if the car was parked and the kid ran into it, would they still be trying to sue? Ridiculous.

So I'm not really up on this blogger thing, and I know I miss a lot of posts that others make, and I'm sorry for that. As soon as things settle down hopefully I'll be able to figure it out.

Well I'm off to enjoy a little more peace and quiet.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

I'm beginning to feel a little sick tonight. I have been trying to fix my computer all day, somehow I downloaded a virus and I had to go out and get a spyware kit and it was just a mess trying to get it all figured out, it literally took 3 hours to clean out all the junk on this computer.

I really need to get myself up to date on all of this stuff.

So today didn't turn out to be as productive as I thought it should have been work wise.

I went to the gym, then came home and began working on this and paying bills, I really need to get a job, I just don't know where in the heck I'll find the time to work, and go to school 12 hours a day 2 days a week, teach 2 lessons a week in different schools at opposite ends of town, prepare the lessons, and do whatever other work I get from my other classes that have kind of taken a back seat to my Education classes.
I really need to work, I know I do, but I am so afraid I won't be able to handle all of this stress, I become overwhelmingly dependent of food when I am in a vulnerable position, right now I am learning to cope with things, by have a free day once or twice a week, and still exercising. Truthfully I am selfish in a way, I want to be able to get up and go to the gym for 2 hours a day, then come home, shower, and do my school work at my pace, which is sort of slow, but that's how I get the good grades. LOL.
I mean you have to admit, for someone that dropped out of school at 16 to be pulling the grades I'm pulling I think I'm doing okay. However, I also think this may be one of the reasons I have some difficulty now and then with certain classes, because this is the first time I am being introduced to this stuff.

Like I said I'm not feeling to good tonight, I have this nagging tickle in my throat so I'm probablt going to go rest and finish up my work, then have a cup of tea and head to bed.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I am happy to report that the meeting that was scheduled with the chair of the Education Department produced some good results for us as students!

25 Students attended the meeting, and there were 10 emails sent by those that couldn't attend so it was a pretty good turn out in my opinion because that is more than half the students in both sections.

The chair of the department gave us the floor for over an hour. He was very patient and let us all say our peace. Within two and a half hours of the meeting things were changed! I couldn;t believe it.

I am more shocked at the fact that by taking a stand something ACTUALLY changed. I am a VERY pessimistic person, and I still had my doubts leaving the meeting, that our concerns would be sort of swept under the rug, so I am more in a sort of awe at the way things work. I mean I guess it's true- if you really believe in something and you go about voicing your concerns in a clear and rational manner, things can be changed.
I think this is something that we forget in our society. We CAN change things! (Forgive me, I'm on an opportunistic high right now!) I'm going to change the world, LOL. Truthfully, I am just happy.

Yesterday I was so stressed out I ended up talking my hubby into ordering pizza, and I ate 4 slices!!! Then, I had icecream and pretzels. Bad move, but it's done, I'm over it, and I moved on. I went to the gym this morning, and I feel better already.
Sometimes I get wrapped up in trying to lose the weight as fast as I can, like once it's lost I'll be a finished product, but when I sit back and think about it; I'll NEVER be a finished product, so why am I in such a rush all the time? I'm not letting myself enjoy the journey, and figure out new things.
I need to stop and smeel the roses sometimes, and believe it or not there are roses on this journey too, you just have to know where to look. For instance, pushing yourself that extra mile, or 10 minutes, that's a AH HA moment! As I think Oprah would say, or at least I consider it my AH HA moment.
JUst get out there and do something you didn't plan on doing today, no matter what it is, do it for you, and let the good feelings soak in.

I'm a little mushy today huh?

Friday, October 10, 2008

2 Steps in the right direction, hopefully...

So today I decided I've just about had enough. I am emailing my professors and they are not getting back to me, we have a deadline to hand things in, but they are not even checking what we're doing. My question is, why give the work if it's not being checked?

Like I said classes are canceled until the 21st of October, how are we supposed to learn anything this way? This is my career on the line here, I mean I want to be a teacher and I am not learning the necessary skills I will need to apply to a classroom. I can not believe that the school board allows things to be run in the haphazard way. So I made a complaint, then I sent an email to everyone in the section and informed them of a meeting with the chair of the department. I hope they will attend, I hope I am doing the right thing. There needs to be some clarity here. This has got to stop.

So like I said, I hope I did the right thing, I don't want it to come back to me in a negative way.

I also made it to the gym this morning, and for some reason I actually felt lighter today, so I decided to get on the scale, and it said I was lighter! A pound and a half lighter! I am happy with that. I am taking it one day, one step at a time. I am finding out that I like new things about exercise, and I think I might even be building muscle because I feel tight!!!

That's a good feeling.

I've decided that for today I am not really going to do any work for school. I am done, I need a day to sit back and enjoy things so that's what I am going to do.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Going CRAZY Here!!!

I've been spending so much time in front of this computer my ass hurts!!! I know it's not funny, but it is, in a way.
I am so sick of sitting here, I feel like I am not getting anything accomplished. I keep on doing the same thing over and over, if the professors had clearly stated what they wanted in the beginning, like any good instructor would. I don't think I would be on the verge of tears, and screaming at everyone who asks me a question.
It's that bad. I feel like I can't answer anything. Like I can't have another thought interrupt my train of thought when it comes to writing out these lesson plans. I know that some of you may be wondering why I am finding it so difficult, well it's a long story.
As you know I am a junior, and one of the classes I am in is an integrated curriculum course, which means I have 3 professors for the course, and I only receive one grade. I get 3x's the work for no perks, so to speak.
I take my education seriously, I have been on the Dean's List since my first semester. I just received my Associate's Degree and I only have 2 semesters to go after this. However, the professor's I have this semester are making things unbearable. I am not the only one that feels this way, but like always I do have the biggest mouth so I am the onlyone they hear.
They want us to write 6 lesson plans and hand them in by Thursday. In previous semesters they have given workshops, to teach the class how to write the lesson plan according to their criteria. For some assinine reason they decided to cancel the three workshops so we could do our observation hours, now for the most part none of us know how to write a lesson plan accrding to their standards, and all we have to base our knowledge on is samples from last year. BUT WAIT!!! they've changed some of the elements!
So I am basically shooting balls in a basket in the dark, hoping I get them in.

I ask questions, and I'm told to go ask someone else. No one wants to do their job, they just want to keep cancelling classes and getting paid for it.

AHHHH! I just needed to vent.

On a brighter note I went to the gym today, I'm telling you I feel great, but the scale is not budging. How annoying is that? Well actually it moved 3 ounces since last week, lol. I 'll get it together somehow, at least now I know what I have to do in order to maintain my weight, and eat the way I want on the weekends. LOL.

Monday, October 6, 2008


It's only Monday and I am exhausted.

Today has been a super busy day, but I think being busy is the best thing for me to be. It gives me less time to think about food!

I went to the gym today. I'm trying something new, which seems to be working for me. I have been going to the gym @ least 5 days a week and I make sure I go on Saturday's, I try to work out as long and as hard as I can, and on the weekends I let myself eat whatever I feel like eating. I started this about two weeks ago, and I am still seeing results and not feeling deprived. I feel like I am living and not struggling so hard to stay on track because I know I can have whatever I want, and that gives me the power to just stay focused all week.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday.. I have a question

Why is is that I kicked my butt at the gym today and weighed in and saw a gain? This gets me so angry, I just don't get it, I mean it's really not mathematically possible, so I know something else is going on because my clothes are fitting better every week. TOM is here, so that could be the contributing factor, but it's such a pain in the a&& that I get so discouraged when I see that. I mean I FEEL great! I feel SKINNY! LOL, so I'm really not going to let that number get to me.

I am extremely stressed out with school, and if I tell you how many times I've said I want to give up this week you would be shocked. I feel like I just can't take the pressure any more. It's not the work that bothers me, it's actually trying to interpret what the heck these 3 professors want from us. I am not the only one that feels this way, and we have all come together, because of this common enemy so to speak, but no one seems to be doing anything about it.

I have been spending so much time doing work at the table that my back is starting to hurt from hunching over stuff. I do the work, email it, print it out, and bring it to school only for them to say "Oh one more thing" or "we're not doing it this way now" I mean make up your mind or move over and let someone else teach for you. It's ridiculous what they are doing. I don't even want to go into it, but just know last night I was really ready to quit. I won't, but I wanted to.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A New Home...

Okay so it took my a while to figure out how to use AOL Journals, and now I've got to get used to it over here. I will but it might take me a while.

Things have been hectic, school is really tough this semester and I am trying very hard to stay afloat, as are many of us I guess.

My routine has been consisting of me getting up early every moring and walking about a mile to the gym, working out for an hour to an hour and a half, then walking home, taking a shower and being glued to the computer for the rest of the day and most of the night doing assignments.

Yesterday alone I spent a little over 10 hours trying to write lesson plans and finish "reflections", I "reflect so much it's just not even funny.

I started working out the same day school started, so that was August 28th, I don't know how much I weighed then, or even how much I've lost, but I know I'm getting somewhere because, I am actually starting to see definition.
I also started lifting weights, and I really love it. I needed it too, I mean I am WEAK! I guess I must have lost a lot of muscle when I lost weight.

I'm really enjoying my time at the gym and have met a lot of nice ladies that push me when I just don't want to do it. That really keeps me motivated.

Well I hope I don't miss anyone, I'm trying to locate all my J-land buddies but it's tough to keep up, so if I haven't gotten to you yet, please make yourself heard and I'll be swinging by as soon as possible.