Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I feel a tightening in my chest, its the feeling you get when you realize your utterly alone. There is just so much a person can take, I just feel as if my feelings are always pushed to the side. Is there something about me that lets people instinctivly know this is okay? I am sick of coming in second to everyone around me, things will change, I owe it to myself to make a change.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Starting Anew...

My Haeley with her "Dominic the Donkey" Christmas gift from Grandma and Grandpa.

It's been a while for me, and I guess I might have to figure out how to get back into the blogging routine. I'm sure it won't be that difficult.
Life for me has changed considerably, I'm a mom now! I have a five month old daughter named Haeley, she is my world. I honestly didn't know what real, true, unconditional love was until I held her in my arms that first day. She is me and I am her, we fit together like puzzle pieces. I can't imagine my life without her, and I feel like in some way she's always been here.

I think of her before I think of myself, I suppose that will be happening for the rest of my life. In the beginning I didn't want to spend time with anyone else but her, it was like I was trying to keep her to myself, but I think I was also getting to know her, and I wanted to do that without prying eyes. We bonded, I fell in love. How does a little person make you love them so deeply, when you don't even know them?

During the course of my pregnancy I manged to gain all my weight back, I enjoyed the excuse to eat, never really giving a thought to the damage I was doing to myself. Well the damage is done, and as of January 1st, I will be getting myself in gear and trying to get back in shape, I want this for myself as much as my daughter. I want to be able to play with her, and not be tired. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I will be able to teach her to value herself. I want to live long enough to see her fall in love, get married and have babies of her own.