Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Guilty . . . .

Well I have become guilty of whet most of the world is guilty of. . . I made a New Year's Resolution on January 1st and have just about given up as of last week. Things have been hectic, I've been tired, I started school, and can't seem to adjust to the new schedule I'm on, I've got excuses, excuses, and more excuses, it's either time to put up, or shut up. Ususally I wait out the week to begin "fresh" on a Monday, like it matters what day of the week I "start" eating healthy for myself. It's all a cop out to keep me from doing what I really need to do.
Things are getting bad, I've started getting this pain in my joints, and I'm having some serious pain in my elbow, so there are 2 more excuses as to why I can't workout. I'm waiting for the doctor to get back the x-ray report, but by the time that happens things will be worse, and I already know it's not the bone, and I really need and MRI, but they don't listen to me, its just my body afterall. I'm starting to feel depressed, and that's because I am not living my life the way I want to, I am beginning to feel numb to it all, I just don't know what to do about things right now.  I am in a rut, and that's been happening a lot lately.

I was watching Dr. Oz this morning, and he had on people that had lost 100 pounds or more, I used to be one of those people, that got me thinking, and even more depressed, but instead of wallowing in it, I really should be doing something about it. I need to start some sort of plan before it's too late, I don't want to have any health problems because of my weight, and I'm afraid that they might have already begun, and that's also making me feel depressed. I'm going to be 30 next month, and I feel like I've wasted so much time in my life, and all I'm doing is wasting more by not living the way I want to.

It's time that I start making better decisions for myself.

1 comment:

Heather said...

Eva! Honey! *hugs* It's a lifelong journey, sister, and you're gonna do it. This is a valley. You'll be back up on the mountain before long. Just keep wanting it... maybe the whole makeover thing won't work for you at this phase of life. Find out what will work... maybe making small changes a little at a time... like, "this week I won't drink soda" or whatever your vice is. It's a process. The awesome thing is that YOU KNOW you can do it because you already have! Find your motivation, find your path, and every day just keep reaching for the courage to do what you need to do. I'm here for you!