Guilty . . . .

Well I have become guilty of whet most of the world is guilty of. . . I made a New Year's Resolution on January 1st and have just about given up as of last week. Things have been hectic, I've been tired, I started school, and can't seem to adjust to the new schedule I'm on, I've got excuses, excuses, and more excuses, it's either time to put up, or shut up. Ususally I wait out the week to begin "fresh" on a Monday, like it matters what day of the week I "start" eating healthy for myself. It's all a cop out to keep me from doing what I really need to do.
Things are getting bad, I've started getting this pain in my joints, and I'm having some serious pain in my elbow, so there are 2 more excuses as to why I can't workout. I'm waiting for the doctor to get back the x-ray report, but by the time that happens things will be worse, and I already know it's not the bone, and I really need and MRI, but they don't listen to me, its just my body afterall. I'm starting to feel depressed, and that's because I am not living my life the way I want to, I am beginning to feel numb to it all, I just don't know what to do about things right now.  I am in a rut, and that's been happening a lot lately.

I was watching Dr. Oz this morning, and he had on people that had lost 100 pounds or more, I used to be one of those people, that got me thinking, and even more depressed, but instead of wallowing in it, I really should be doing something about it. I need to start some sort of plan before it's too late, I don't want to have any health problems because of my weight, and I'm afraid that they might have already begun, and that's also making me feel depressed. I'm going to be 30 next month, and I feel like I've wasted so much time in my life, and all I'm doing is wasting more by not living the way I want to.

It's time that I start making better decisions for myself.

Today was a pretty good day diet wise, my husband had some family over, and he cooked a lot, (he plans on beginning his diet on Monday), and I can happily state that I stuck to my guns and didn't indulge in things that would make me later OVER indulge. That's what I tend to do when I eat something that I deem "toxic" to my progress. As my diet profile states, I am an all or nothing type of dieter, heck I'm pretty much an all or nothing type of person. Anyway today went well, and I plan on making the best of tomorrow as well. I haven't begun my exercise routine yet, but I will soon. For me, in the beginning it's all about getting the right foods in first. Once I get myself together "foodwise", and I feel comfortable with my progress there, I will begin incorporating exercise into my daily life once again, and I have to say I am pretty excited about that. I know what works for me, I just have to apply it, I will do this again, I can do this again!

New Year, New Incentive...

In January of 2006 I embarked on a journey to lose weight, I weighed 290+ pounds. By December of that same year I had lost 146 pounds. In November of 2008 I discovered I was pregnant, over the next 9 months I proceded to gain all of my weight back, after having my beautiful daughter I lost 45 pounds without trying, it might have been due to the loss of appetite after my C-Section, because after I healed my appetite was back with a vengance. I ended up GAINING 18 pounds. So here I sit on the first of January 4 years later looking to make a promise to myself. My promise is to try harder, to workout at least 4 times a week, and to enjoy the life I have with my husband and my baby girl.I know i can lose the weight again, I just have to apply myself in the same manner that I did the first time. I have no excuses not to do this, I just have to talk myself out of giving into the temptations that are often more tempting in my mind than they actually are in reality. I am a foodie, we tend to sensationalize food mentally, when in reality certain things just aren't worth the guilt. So here's to a new year, and new experiences.

I feel a tightening in my chest, its the feeling you get when you realize your utterly alone. There is just so much a person can take, I just feel as if my feelings are always pushed to the side. Is there something about me that lets people instinctivly know this is okay? I am sick of coming in second to everyone around me, things will change, I owe it to myself to make a change.

Starting Anew...

My Haeley with her "Dominic the Donkey" Christmas gift from Grandma and Grandpa.



It's been a while for me, and I guess I might have to figure out how to get back into the blogging routine. I'm sure it won't be that difficult.
Life for me has changed considerably, I'm a mom now! I have a five month old daughter named Haeley, she is my world. I honestly didn't know what real, true, unconditional love was until I held her in my arms that first day. She is me and I am her, we fit together like puzzle pieces. I can't imagine my life without her, and I feel like in some way she's always been here.


I think of her before I think of myself, I suppose that will be happening for the rest of my life. In the beginning I didn't want to spend time with anyone else but her, it was like I was trying to keep her to myself, but I think I was also getting to know her, and I wanted to do that without prying eyes. We bonded, I fell in love. How does a little person make you love them so deeply, when you don't even know them?





During the course of my pregnancy I manged to gain all my weight back, I enjoyed the excuse to eat, never really giving a thought to the damage I was doing to myself. Well the damage is done, and as of January 1st, I will be getting myself in gear and trying to get back in shape, I want this for myself as much as my daughter. I want to be able to play with her, and not be tired. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, so I will be able to teach her to value herself. I want to live long enough to see her fall in love, get married and have babies of her own.

Spoke too soon...

Hello everyone!

Last week I ended my post stating that I have no morning sickness yet, well I spoke too soon, and wish I could take it back. For the most part the worst thing I can say is happening is that my stomach is constantly churning, almost as if I'm going to get sick but then I don't. I feel disgusted with food, but I know I have to eat. And since I stopped taking my heartburn medication, it has gotten 10x worse, and once again I feel disgusting.

I am also very, very tired, I WANT to walk more, and exercise a little, but I just can't seem to do it. My body isn't letting me.

So that's pretty much all that has been going on. I feel like a lazy slob :(

A Few Questions For All You Mom's Out There...

Okay, so as you all know, this is my first time. I really don't know what to expect. I'll tell you how I've been feeling lately, and maybe you can all tell me if it's normal.
For one thing, I am tired, all the time. I feel asleep in the car today, and I never do that because I am a nervous passenger.
Also before I even knew, I was having weird cravings for stuff I haven't eaten in years, like mayonaise and cheese sandwhiches, which I loved as a kid. they just seem so appealing right now.
This may be a sensitive one, but my breast are a little sore, and they feel "fuller" than usual, although I know it's too early for them to be filling up. Right?

I don't know what else right now, I'm too tired to think, but please let me know some things about all of your pregnancies, so I can know what to look for.

BTW, no morning sickness yet, is this normal?